Holding gratitudeOctober 29, 2012
We aren’t religious, but I find that this world of motherhood and eating real food runs really close to my Catholic upbringing. Doing things the way nature intended and all. The miracle of birth. Gratitude so huge it’s hard to know what to do with it.
There are seriously nights that Danny’s in bed and we sit up looking at pictures of him and I could just CRY, that’s how much love I feel. There are days that I want to believe in an omnipotent god with a white robe and beard because I just want so desperately to THANK someone, anyone. I get this life? I get this house, this business, this husband, this little boy? I deserve this? Like a little girl who just got a bike on Christmas – Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
And the gratitude runs both ways all of a sudden. What was once a thankless job has turned around with Danny’s new words. He’s able to express his own gratitude.
He screams a relentless toddler scream because I gave him water in the wrong cup. I finally get it right and the screaming stops. Deetchu mama.
Extending my hand so he can climb down the stairs like a big boy, he grabs hold. Deetchu, mama.
Danny, are you hungry? Do you want this apple? Deetchu, mama.
As if my heart wasn’t already full to the brim, I hear these words and just about die of happiness. I say, “You’re welcome, sweetheart” and squeeze him tight. He has no idea how much it means.
I hope this phase lasts for awhile.
Meanwhile I’m left with an enormous amount of gratitude. For perhaps the first time in my life I feel lucky beyond measure and determined to live up to it. To own it, somehow. To have earned it.
I’m sending this gratitude to the Universe, and you are a part of that too. Yep, you.
Deetchu, from the bottom of this mama’s heart.